The dark brown cloud of stupidity continues to grow as CatTV will be launched soon (article at cnn). As if we didn’t have enough stupid shows, a TV program aimed at cat ladies and their cats has been launched.

Does the world really need such a show? Do cats even care? If there’s 85 million cats in 35 million households number of people who are going to turn over their TV to the cats so that they can watch the show will range between 100 and 0.

How do I come to this number?

First, 35 million households. This show will not be during prime time because people will watch other things. So the show must be during daytime TV. Let’s put it between 1300 and 1700. Immediately the number of people watching during this time (with cats) will drop to around 5 million (soap operas and stuff). Out of those 5 million maybe 500,000 will miss their favorite soap opera for the stupid furball in the corner.

Out of the 500,000 households with cats available to watch the show only 50,000 will be able to do so because the rest are outside hunting.

Out of the 50,000 only 10,000 are going to be awake.

Out of the 10,000, only 22% (2,200, read the article linked to above) are smart enough to watch.

Out of the 2,200, 200 will be uber cats and they will be insulted by the stereotyping of them into stupid creatures that only meow and chase balls and mice; so they will walk away.

We now have 2,000 cats left. Now, we all know about cat ladies. Cat ladies have a lot of cats, typically around 20. So we take 2,000 cats, divide by 20 and that means 100 cat lady households will be watching the show. So now we have our upper limit.

But…I will assume that the cat ladies think that TV rots the brains of cats and so about 50 will say no TV for the cats. Another 40 will not have heard about this show, and 10 won’t be able to afford cable to get their cats the show. So…****.

It’s a wonder that nobody took the time to do these calculations. Perhaps the network should hire me next summer to consult on new shows.